Saturday, February 19, 2011
The beauty of this moment?
It is miserable out and i have to walk the dog. It is raining on the already snow covered ground. All tracks have turned to ice. As i scan the landscape for something to bring me into some alignment, to discover the aha of this moment, it is just not happening.The dog has even had enough and turns around a quarter of the way into our walk. This thrills me, and the beauty of this moment is discovered! To go back inside, drink some hot broth and watch the fierceness of this winter storm pass by.
February Freeze
Wind howls from the north. It is so cold within seconds it penetrates the bottom of my feet through my boots. The frozen wood cracks as i walk across the deck. I am alone and the only light out here is from the reflection of the snow covered ground. I start to shiver uncontrollably. February is always the hardest month for me and often i am unaware as to why, but on this night it stops me dead in my tracks as my body recalls a time so long ago. I am three. I am walking briskly with my father and my brother as he clenches tightly to our hands.We move swiftly through the side streets making our way to my aunt's house. The only light is from the occasional street light that fades as we pass underneath it. Our long shadows vanish out of the lights reach. I was three when my mother died, and although i was unaware of what that meant then, somewhere in me the loss and the pain lives rising up as though it just happened on this cold February night. As i make my way through the snow, the tears freeze on my face just like they did that night on my fathers face February 8th 1967. I am reminded to remember this grief lives in me.
Morning thaw
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